dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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