I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
