I look better un-naked...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
