If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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