I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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