I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
