Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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