New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
