I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
