Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My ass is underappreciated
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
