hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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