Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize