what day is it and did you see me today?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
