Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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