You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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