Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
