Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
