I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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