This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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