i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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