Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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