i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize