The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize