I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
this is an emotional support booty call
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
