I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
