I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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