If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
