He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize