I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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