just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
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