i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
