when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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