Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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