I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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