So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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