I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
