The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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