I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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