i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
