there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Even my vagina gasped.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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