she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
