glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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