i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
