He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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