Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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