hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
