Plan B is the new Plan A
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize