The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
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