Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
