i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize