You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
