I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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