NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
