I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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