you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's blow job season.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
