Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
