i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
