My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
