Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
