Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
