Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
