conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
