I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
