My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
