Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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