I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
