I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
