I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize