Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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