Jerry, you need to find god
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
