I don't usually arrange sex via text message
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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