I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize