I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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