I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
