last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize