im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
