oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
