Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Randomize
