I just saw a hot homeless man
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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