My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
