I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
