I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
