He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
