I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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