We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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