Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
