I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
