Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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