Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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