I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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