When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Randomize
