Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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