you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
