If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize