I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
