Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize