come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
