is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
