Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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