also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Don't EVER smell your tampon
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
