its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize