I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize